Please Read First

So, there are a few things you should know about this blog before you read it.  These are in no particular order.  Just random thoughts that I would want any reader to have to help with a frame of reference for my writings.

1. I am still surprisingly friends with the woman, in spite of everything.

2. Each post is a moment in time where I may describe my feelings at that moment.  I try to be honest about how I feel, so there may be things I write that offend someone, or hurt someone.  Please understand that I am writing this in the midst of trying to make it through the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  Have charity, and try not to judge me too harshly if I give bad advice or say something that hurts or offends you.

3. One of my ways of coping with hard things is through humor.  I believe that laughter can help us keep perspective and heal.  I try to write and include humor in my writings to lighten up this horribly dark depressing period of my life.  If at times it seems I am taking things too light hearted and not seriously, know that inside I am struggling and hurting more than I ever have in my life, and this is the way I am coping with it.  If my humor still bothers you, see item #2 above.

4. My situation is unique.  It may or may not apply to you.  I may have insights that may help you or a loved one to cope with divorce as an LDS man.  Or I may not.

5. My experience, and advice is probably not going to be popular with the world's view of divorce and how to treat your future ex spouse.  I once read that divorce was a war and you had to go all out and take take take.  If you feel this way, you will hate this blog, so please save both you and I some time and don't send me comments or emails about how wrong I am about this or that.

6. I am not a professional.  I am not a divorce lawyer.  I am not a marriage counselor.  I have no idea if what I am doing is the right thing to do or not.  I've never been through a divorce before.  I only have insight into one other person who is divorced and her experiences as she wrote about them on her blog.  All I really have to fall back on is many years of study in the Gospel of Jesus Christ to guide me as best I can.

7. This blog is not affiliated with any group.  It has nothing to do with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints other than I am a member of it.  The thoughts, impressions, advice, counsel, and all that jazz are just me.

8. I in no way am recommending that anyone should get a divorce or mean for this to be a how to guide to get divorced.  Divorce is a hard terrible thing that I wouldn't wish on anyone.  I only write this for those of you who either have no choice and must walk this path, or have gone through it and share my pain.

9. If you are related to me, and you come across this blog somehow or I send you the link to it, or however you have found it, please do not comment using your real name.  Find a way to anonymize yourself.  Also please don't link to it from Facebook or anywhere else that will eventually lead my children to this.  Someday they can read it.  But for now, I don't want them to be affected any more than they already are.  Having a window into my soul will only make it harder for them to forgive both the woman and myself.

10. I would recommend reading this blog from the oldest entry to the newest.  I started this in the depths of sorrow.  I am now doing much much better.  If you read from newest to oldest, you are walking back in time into the depths of sadness.  But if you read it from the beginning, it is a much more uplifting journey as I find my way out of sorrow and slowly into living again.

11. There are several characters that I will refer to at times.  Here is a guide to understanding who they are:
- the woman - my future ex wife
- the screamer in my head - the part of me that hates all of this, and wants to reconcile with the woman somehow.
- the divorce Sherpa - the friend I made on the other side of the world who gives me advice and encourages me
- the Hoper - the part of me that is optimistic and full of hope for future companionship
- the Loner - the part of me that is pessimistic about any future chance of lasting relationships.
- the Executive - the part of me that sees life as it is, not as it should be, and makes decisions based not on emotion but on facts and data.